I read Me Before You a while back and I had trouble understanding Will’s predicament. He wanted to die. He was wheelchair bound, unable to move any part of his body but could only hear, see and speak.
He wanted to kill himself to rid himself and his family the ‘misery’ he was trapped in. When he put it like that it sort of made sense. But then he fell in love. His love was able to show him a different world, both could be able to enjoy and ‘live’.
However even that was not enough for Will and he opted for Door no. Goodbye.
Like I said I had trouble understanding why he would still opt for death when he someone in his life that brought joy… yet he couldn’t bear the though to bound her quite literally to himself. But eventually my tiny mind was able to form a comprehension for the latter. All because I would never and I hope I never get to experience what Will had been enduring in his condition.
A little justification and background helped here. Because Will did not have any will to live because of his condition.
But what about those who are of sane mind, sound body and their life is filled with loved ones and a huge future ahead. What if they one day voice that they want to die?
And they repeat this wish on a irritatingly regular basis.
And what if they happen to be your loved ones.
Someone you never ever wanted to see in pain and someone you never expected to be so hurt inside that they were secretly and now openly wishing to die rather than live their seemingly healthy life.
And what if this someone happens to be your own mother?
My mother has had a terrible marriage. It is no news to anybody. But now after thirty years, now that her offspring are old enough to understand the pain that she went through she feels that her time is done and there is no reason to live.
Except I cannot show her a counter argument.
Consistently she tortures me with her deepest desire to die and die very soon and thinks I would be pleased to hear it because at this stage she has become a burden on us.
If that’s not enough to put you off marriage, off kids, off becoming a mother, off every other joy in the world I don’t know what is.
Recently after the loss of my own sister cousin at young age, I have finally found a way to shut her up. I retort to her plea with an equal plea to die soon myself. After all it’s not in our hands, us being Muslims it being Haram to off your own self. But there’s no clause stopping us to wish to die. and die soon.
There’s no written decree that the child shouldn’t die before parent is there.
It’s put her off a little bit but not entirely. Which is still not enough.
I have an absent parent and probably will the rest of my life.
And the one that I did have wants to leave the world for good soon.
What a happy life!
And they think I am possessed by a Jinn because of my nature, because how I choose to react, because of my life decisions.
I think I’ll take a possession any day for a 100 years rather than what I have to endure otherwise.