If I have to be really honest, I would consider myself to be a huge narcissist. I clearly love myself above all others. I am pretty selfish. I hardly care what other people say, I don’t pay attention to their say. I am obsessed with everything and everyone who can keep me happy.
But why would I repeatedly take actions that suck the joy out of my so-called- self-loved life?
Today, I came very close to sending a text to a lost friend about why I ended our friendship.
The text I composed (in my head) was this:
I never said this to you and I know I probably shouldn't say it now that it has been such a while but I never told you why we are not friends anymore. It wasn't that I didn't want to be friends with you. It was more of I didn't want you to be friends with someone like me. Does that make sense?
I know it would have been extremely foolish on my part to send this because we haven’t been friends in two years. But I thought I should let this out somehow.
How have I made the same mistake(?) /decision over the course of last 5 years. But I have.
I have distanced myself from every single person that ones brought joy in my life.
It was a decision I made on my own. being the narcissist that I am, I decided I should be the one making sure I also bring pain to my own self as I work hard to bring joy.