Dear Aunty Who Thinks She Carries The Universal Burden of Marrying Every Unmarried Girl, Fuck You

Dear Aunty,

How can you be so callous? So so fucking callous? For a minute when my mother was telling me what she heard from you, I thought, were you ever really a woman? Because I thought being one would make you a little less of a bitch and more of a human? Or maybe that’s what I learned from my mother growing up. My mother, a single parent, whose heart you just crushed few hours ago. How in a crowded room you told her how her daughter, me, would never get married. How you spoke with glee that it’s very likely I am having an affair with someone which is stopping me from pursuing a “legal” relationship.

Dear Aunty, you didn’t tell her something new. But you could have chosen your words better or hell you could have just shut the fucking mouth up if you had nothing good to say. I wasn’t there unfortunately. Or I would have. You chose to insult my mother in a room full of people but aunty you see, we were raised better. She would have never resorted to a full on retort right there in a room a full of strangers. She was taught better. Unlike you, she doesn’t think that being concerned (read: fucking nosey) about other person’s daughter is her life’s only purpose.

Dear Aunty, you know what actually pissed me off? That you chose to confront my mother, about my alleged love life, at an event where someone was delivering a lecture on life and death. That you thought of ALL the things pending in your life, it is oh so imperative that you blame my mother for raising a daughter who is defying all norms and bringing shame to the family. Because you know that is life’s purpose. Aunty, you’ve got it all right! Those are the three questions you would be asked the moment Izrael comes to take your soul away: did you ask whether falani dhimkani’s neighbor’s daughter got married? If not, did you accuse her of having an affair with someone? And oh! don’t stop there, did you tell them she would never get married because she’s crossed the D-date?

Do you know what were the first words of the Holy Quran? I could make it easy for you and tell you it was nothing even remotely related to poking into other people’s affairs. Aunty, why are you so fucking concerned about some person’s life, a person you haven’t actually met and will never probably, unless by some twist of fate I come to punch you in the face? Yes, my mother may have mentioned to you that I am unmarried but trust me, her intentions were far from what you perceived them to be. She didn’t mention my relationship status so you could judge. She confided in you, and that’s all her mistake. For someone who is not-so-religious, it would put me off such events completely. Hell I would have advised my mother to stop going to such places but I didn’t. Just because of some rotten apples, I cannot put the blame on an entire system. Aunty, don’t you see? I may or may not be bringing shame or my family’s name but you’re dishonoring a religion of billions. Now who is a bigger culprit, aunty?

Let’s come back to our original query which compelled me to write this blog post when I could be working. I could have chosen to let this go but I can’t seem to. My mother and I laughed this incidence off but I knew you hurt her with your foolish words. And I can’t even imagine how many other mothers you have hurt because you can’t help being you.

Aunty, is there a secret competition that I am unaware of? One that you will win conditional on how many taunts you send out to mothers whose daughters are still unmarried? Aunty, have they promised you a letter from Hogwarts conditional upon how many homes you poke around looking to accuse unmarried girls and their parents for not “raising them well” according to your standards? Dear Aunty, what DO you get out of this?

What… what is that I hear? Nothing? NOTHING? Then why don’t you exhaust all your resources in doing something that would make people hate you less Aunty? Aunty do you read the newspaper? Did you read that every 3 out of 10 Pakistanis are living under extreme poverty? What, what did you say? “Not my problem?” Err.. how the fuck is THIS not your problem but getting me married is?

Aunty look around you, you were not created for this. Trust me. This isn’t your true calling. You can make a POSITIVE change in the world but you resort to live a life even a lizard wouldn’t want. What do you know about me? NOTHING. So what makes you the judgment Queen to inquire about someone’s daughter? You think you can solve this enigma as to why I am not getting married? But what good would that lead to? You’re using your God-given gift of precious time to poke into people’s life of whom you have no fucking clue about YET there are stories that DO relate to you and what do you?  You shut your fucking eyes and ears.

Aunty, if you had come to my mother asking her thoughts about what to do about 25 million children who are out of school in Pakistan, trust me not only her, but also I would have immediately called to share your thoughts with the entire world instead of writing this rant. I would have told you that this problem (yes it IS a problem) needs more attention of aunties like you than the enigma as to why unmarried girls are not getting married.

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