another lament

The other day a friend of mine asked me, in the twenty years, who you think had the most impact on your life as being your friend.

To my own amazement I answered Anum Naeem. Why you may ask.

Anum Naeem? Well for one, I haven’t heard from her in seven years. Not only that. We were acquainted for the briefest period of my life. Of all my friends I have known her for the shortest time and yet she and I got on better than most of the best friends I have. And that’s saying something.

She and I became friends in the most oddest of circumstances. She had been my class fellow for two years and yet we never spoke a word to each other. I got along with most of my class except her and this girl Anam Mohiyuddin. Man she gave me the chills. And still does when I think about the first day I talked to her. God.  Scary. And Anam if you’re reading this, dude. Most of the class was SCARED of you. They like me never had the heart to say to you. I hope you’re cured now, though.

Anyways, coming back to Anum Naeem. It wasn’t until our third year together in school that I got acquainted with her through a class project. And the rest as you say is history. She was the complete opposite of me. Anti Social and “Minding her own business” type. Where I had made a lot of connections in the class, she with her meek nature had failed to capture their attention.

But hey the meek nature was only for them. The moment I got to know her, I found out so much hidden beneath her shy and introverted nature. It was only a matter of chance and “breaking the ice” that I found myself in the company of the best of human beings. It was funny though then that I found solace in her company when from what people inferred of me as (the loud type) it was a surprise to them that I made friends with the quietest girl in my class.

In my group of friends we were all cheery, loud and very talkative. But when I was with Anum, it felt as if I never I had a tongue. “The quietest girl” of my class taught me how to talk and how to befriend and most importantly “who” to.

I got to know her for barely a year and yet she taught me a lesson that I now get to practice.

I lost her seven years ago, have no clue where or how she is. But even after such a long time, funny I remember even her favorite songs. Funny because I don’t even remember what I ate yesterday.

And today I am somewhat in the same boat. Having recently lost a much loved one, I find myself in the same space I was then. Only now I feel hollow, then as a kid I couldn’t decipher my emotions well. But now when a loss has come again on my doorstep I very well know how or what I am going through.

I can’t handle it. The bitter truth.

I couldn’t handle it then only because of my ignorance of such emotions but you can’t excuse it for ignorance now. And I am not that foolish to do it so again.

This is life. You think you can move on from the most terrible tragedies of your life? You can learn to forget things and try distracting your mind? I am not saying you have to live through the pain of a loss all your life. Just like you can’t spend your entire life on one cherish able moment, it’s preposterous to think you can spend your entire time wallowing.

But all I am saying is it’s a shame if you try to ignore things that had the most impact on your life, the moments that made you grow out of your cocoon, the times that made you see beyond. When you thought you’d never stand back on your feet again, there was a force that made you fly too. And that all came from your past, whatever you’ve gone through. Is it fair not to acknowledge it? Sometime later in your life there would come a time when you’d realize why things happened the way they did. Why curse that time? Why regret? There is a reason people came into your life… Some like Anum for a very brief period and some for much much longer time yet they made the same impact. Isn’t it too harsh not to give them the worth they deserve?

They changed me, challenged me, and made me what I am today. And all I would want to do is forget them? And move on? How “rational” 🙂

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